
Youth, Valentine’s Day, and the link to stress, loneliness and violence: February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
NEW JERSEY – Valentine’s Day is one day a year dedicated to love and happiness, but the emphasis on this holiday can spark stress, loneliness, and heartache for young people—and even violence for teens in dating relationships.
Valentine’s Day can be a trigger that can impact mental health and well-being for some young people.
“The pressures of trying to keep up with your peers, especially when posts on social media show only the good things, can be very stressful,” explained Patricia Behrens, M.S.W., C.P.R.P., Volunteer/Outreach Coordinator at 2NDFLOOR®, a free youth helpline that provides support 24/7/365 to New Jersey youth ages 10-24. “It can start as early as grade school and middle school, where kids can feel left out if it seems like everyone is getting something like a card or candy, but they don’t. That feeling doesn’t just go away—it grows and can become more complex.”
Many high school students already struggle with anxiety, and the focus on the holiday can add to their stress.
“Young people are using this holiday to define how great their relationships are. One day in the entire year should not be used as a tool of measure. If they don’t have the ‘perfect romantic date’ or get the gifts, or don’t have a significant other, it can impact their self-esteem, feelings of self-worth and value, or make them feel that they are not popular enough,” said Behrens.
The pressure of the holiday can also spur more incidents of teen dating violence, which affects millions of young people every year.
A report by the U.S. Department of Justice found up to 19% of teens experience sexual or physical dating violence, about half face stalking or harassment, and as many as 65% report being psychologically abused. One in three relationships in high school will experience dating violence, and only one of those three will come forward and say something.
“Dating violence doesn’t have to be just a physical act of violence; it can be emotional, digital, sexual, and social. It is a form of control and can be anything that makes a person feel uncomfortable. Warning signs include being overly controlling, jealous, monitoring your phone or social media, or pressuring or coercing you into doing anything you are not comfortable with,” described Behrens. “Talking about it helps to promote safety and awareness so they can recognize their situation and can do something about it.”
The 2NDFLOOR® youth helpline offers these tips to reduce Valentine’s Day stress and anxiety:
- Don’t over-romanticize expectations. It can set you up for disappointment.
- Challenge social media pressure, it is not always accurate, amplifies feelings of inaccuracy, and increases (FOMO) the fear of missing out.
- Put yourself first, practice self-care, and eliminate the need for “things” to fill a void.
- Engage with friends, use the day to connect with others, and celebrate a “Palentine’s Day.”
- Valentine’s Day is one day a year; DON’T let it define your self-worth or relationship.
Tips for dating violence:
- Know what a healthy relationship looks like. This includes respect, boundaries, personal space, the ability to grow, being independent while supporting each other, and open communication.
- Be transparent and clearly communicate when setting boundaries.
- Recognize warning signs and how you feel: is someone being overly controlling and jealous, monitoring your phone, showing physical aggression, making threats, being verbally abusive, including name-calling, or making you feel blamed?
- Don’t ignore the red flags and notice when behaviors are off or make you feel uncomfortable.
- Listen to your gut and leave the relationship, but seek help in the process. Make someone aware of the situation, and trust yourself.
“We need to find ways to eliminate the pressures of the holiday, not try to keep up with social media standards, and not let this one day define your self-worth or the quality of your relationship, and that it is ok not to be perfect,” suggested Behrens.
Whether it’s Valentine’s Day or just a regular day, Behrens stated that it’s important for young people to talk about their concerns and not be afraid to reach out for help or support if they need it; that is where 2NDFLOOR® can help.
“Unfortunately, many young people don’t have access to a counselor or someone to talk to; we provide a listening ear to help ease loneliness, anxiety or just get something off their chest,” she explained. “They can call, text, or chat on our message board anytime they need support, at any hour of the day or night. We are here; it only takes a second to reach 2NDFLOOR®.”
If you need help, contact the 2NDFLOOR® helpline at 1-888-222-2228, visit the website www.2ndfloor.org, or download the app (App Store) (Google Play).